Playing it safe

As directed, I avoided breathing the vapours. I chose to risk the less preferred option of a well ventilated area indoors; the recommended option, outdoors, was ruled out by heavy precipitation. I did not smoke. (This was easy for me, as I don’t). I kept away from heat, hot surfaces, sparks, open flames and other ignition sources. I kept out of the reach of children. Medical advice was not needed, but had it been, I was careful to have the product container conveniently to hand, again as directed. Indeed it is hard to see how I could have applied the lethal product without its container conveniently to hand.

And as I worked the shoe polish into the leather, I couldn’t help wondering how I had survived the same operation let’s say almost weekly for sixty years, before KIWI saw fit to warn me of every conceivable disaster that could befall me.

But one thing troubles me. On the lid of the tin, a very few words are rendered in English and French: “Shines, Nourishes & Protects; Fait Briller, Nourrit & Protège. BLACK; NOIR”. The dire warnings on the base are only in English.

Let us all watch the newspapers for reports of outbreaks of fires and asphyxiations across the French-speaking world as the poor unfortunates rashly try to polish their shoes without KIWI’s essential safety guidance.

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